I've been told the truth will set you free. . .here it goes. I went through about nine months where I was drinking to cope with the pain and the memories. I was drinking to forget, to stop the recurring images in my head, to relax enough to try to sleep at night. I quickly discovered that one glass of wine made it a little easier, two would help me forget, three, four, you get the point.
I was self-medicating and the sad truth is that I didn't know another way to get through the days -- and nights. I was confronted with the truth that the life I thought I had was only an illusion. What I finally realized was that "pain waits for you." I would medicate for a day and the next morning all the emotions would come flooding back -- not to mention the massive headache.
Thankfully, I had an amazing support system and they helped me realize that it was time for me to feel my emotions and let the healing begin.
I know Dr. Drew. And Kim, I love ya but, Dr. Drew you are not. I know people who have been in "recovery" for many years. Someone very close to me has been sober for 20 years. One thing I know from talking with him over the years is that persons who are in recovery don't point the finger at others. They focus on their own sobriety. They are there for friends who ask for their help but they don't diagnose and offer treatment plans for others.
When I made the decision not to attend the "nose party," I gave Kim the courtesy of a phone call. I told her the truth about what I was doing and why I wouldn't be coming to her party. I was having fun and yes, I was "tipsy." If I had a nickel for every time Kim "no-showed" for events with no call and then made up some silly excuse as to why she didn't show, I could pay all my attorney fees. Kim and I don't socialize outside the other ladies. She doesn't spend enough time with me to be evaluating anything about my life. I care for her and am deeply happy that she is having success with her sobriety, finally.